Direction and guidance are something that we often search for subconsciously. Even leaders need a teacher. Someone to call upon when they themselves need assistance in some form. In some scenarios, this can be quite challenging.

Sometimes the road we are traveling seldom offers any stops, let alone any stops that will offer anyone who can help us. That it is why the gift of recollection is one of the most important tools we can carry. Every single time we encounter a scenario where we are forced to make a decision, or a scenario where we must utilize previous experiences to determine the best course of action, we will call upon past experiences, both good and bad, to help us make the best choice possible.

In the realm of challenge, there is no better teacher than the core memories we’ve obtained along the way. As humans, we are afforded a variety of emotions and feelings that other animals don’t get to experience, and even if they do, it’s on a level so primitive that it’s not even comparable. The coyote does not know pity. It does not know remorse. It knows only a handful of emotions, all of which circle around its survival and the protection of its pack. This is the standard for all things wild. The standard of a mindset that cannot entertain the concept of despair or self-pity because if they did, it is entirely possible that life itself would become compromised. If the coyote was faced with an adversary, especially one that was a known predator, there would be no conversation or bargaining. No pleading or negotiating. Just an understanding that this encounter would be a crossroad, and one of them would either escape, or one of them would die. There was never a third option for either of them because in the world of the wild, a third option does not exist.

What the coyote does have, however, is a collection of core memories and genetic traits based purely on survival. These core memories will aid the pack in their encounters with challenges, and ultimately survival overall. Primitive instincts that remain intact, or physical features aiding in survival, are passed on from generation to generation. These traits will proliferate within a species and become a key factor as to how they remain a part of the world today. While the comparison to humans may seem like apples to oranges, it’s actually a lot more linear to our everyday lives than we may think. In fact, in some scenarios as humans it would be beneficial to reduce the margin of emotion and to exclusively focus on the primitive aspect of survival. This mindset is not strictly limited to a scenario involving physical survival, but rather a multitude of scenarios or encounters that will ultimately provide the individual with the means to press forward.

Michael Mann is one of my favorite directors and I have a unique appreciation for writers and directors who are able to capture the audience in such a way that it creates interpretation. In the movie “Collateral” there are two main characters. One is essentially predator, and the other, prey. There is a level of capture and evasion throughout the entire film. A feeling of sustained fear and also sustained control is palpable throughout the entire film depending on the optic of the viewer. During one particular scene, they essentially escape a very violent encounter. Vincent essentially saves the life of Max- an unexpected use of force from the predator to his prey. Within those same few minutes, however, Vincent also takes the possibility of escape away from Max with the use of violence.

After his escape was intentionally foiled, Max is then back to square one, and again, prey. As the two begin driving away there is a strange calm that washes over the two of them inside the car. There is no music. No climactic lighting. Just the night sky and the sound of the entire world sleeping while a small portion of the world burns. Then, almost as if the universe wanted to say hello, a coyote appears from the sidewalk and enters the roadway. The car comes to a stop and the two men watch, giving the animal the right of way. They watch the coyote negotiate an area so unfamiliar, yet it moves with intent. Almost as if it was supposed to be there. Almost as if negotiation or compromise of any kind was not an option, they simply must survive. There was no self-pity or concern for anything else other than to keep moving. Such is life for an animal in the wild, and such is life for us sometimes.
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In the grand scheme of things, some of us will never truly know what it’s like to live a life purely based on survival. We as humans are afforded this luxury. Even in scenarios where survival is our only focus, we are still provided with the concept of emotion, despair, and doubt. It is the fray where will learn how to prioritize our emotions and remove the concept of self-pity. It is in the fray where we will be introduced to a different version of ourselves. It is in the fray where we will learn how to be like the animal. 

Imagine yourself post critical incident- in the immediate aftermath. Seconds following the incident itself. It’s over. Your feet are on the ground. You’re standing. That’s good. Looks like you survived. Your nose is inhaling massive amounts of air because you activated your parasympathetic nervous system, and you didn’t even know it. The human body is a lot more capable than we think, especially under stress.
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A few minutes prior to that, your brain made the conscious decision to move everything non-essential to your survival off the table. It also gave the order to dump massive amounts of adrenaline into your bloodstream which increased your heart rate and blood pressure. At the same time, the adrenaline triggered the release of glucose and fats from storage within the body. Those fats provide energy for the body because snacks are important for your body when you’re trying not to die.

Within those same seconds, your brain also decided to start pumping more blood into all your vital organs to get things moving, after all, safety is no accident. Your breathing started to become more rapid and shallow, and the small airways in your lungs opened to allow more oxygen for your brain to function faster, and sharper. All at the same time, your sense of smell, hearing, and overall alertness tripled in efficiency. Your pupils even dilated to allow more light in, which improves your vision. All of this happening in a matter of seconds. All of this happening because your brain wants you to be successful, and essentially, stay alive.  

Then just as quickly as it started, once we are safe, the brain slowly starts to turn off the burners and resume to a neutral state- semi-heightened, but neutral. Try to imagine the sound of a large jet turning off its engines. The slow sound of chaos reducing to a dull murmur while your ears ring and your mind wanders. Many of us can relate to that feeling as it has happened to us many times throughout our careers. If you’re reading this and you’ve never been there yourself, I assure you, if you’re doing this job right, it’s not a matter of if you get to survive, it’s a matter of when. And the most important thing to remember in the realm of survival is that we don’t get to choose the moment; the moment chooses us.

Now that we have an idea of how the body works under stress, let’s take a wide-lensed look as to how we got there to begin with. Literally, yes, we got there physically. There was a reason, a crime occurring, maybe we saw something in real time, etc. But when it comes to the incident itself and how you react, speak, or even look when dealing with that incident, that is something that gets dissected after the fact, and may even play a role for how things proceed for you in the future. Try to look at this way- the incident itself, those few critical seconds that will be played on the news over and over again, that’s the “trailer” version of what happened. In order to understand the incident overall, society will need to watch the entire movie. It’s important to remember that the majority of society will never actually watch the entire movie. However, there may be a certain portion of society that will eventually watch the entire movie, and in an official capacity. That capacity will more than likely have the name “juror” attached to it and will consist of 12 very important people. 

This begs the question, why is a wide lens so important when it comes to a critical incident and understanding how the human brain works under stress? In a sentence: it gives us the opportunity to show that we are human. Empathy and understanding are paramount when it comes to any sort of justification for any type of force, especially deadly. Some parts of society may see that as some sort of cushion or safety-net that softens the actions of the individual- quite the opposite. It gives good investigators and good administrators the opportunity to find the truth, not premature fault or guilt. The expectation of most of society, however, is to find guilt, and quite quickly. In order to combat those expectations, any good agency will be transparent and offer as much information as they can with respect to the investigation and the parties involved. Regardless, the demands from the majority of society will never be met no matter what we do, or how fast we do it. Sadly, you could do everything right and you’ll still get a head of lettuce thrown at you as you leave. This job is never going to make everyone happy, it’s important to understand that before we go further.

When it comes to the actions before, during, and after the incident, that is where we start to see good training and good education paying off. Or the opposite where we cringe at the action, or non-action, of those involved. We’ve all seen horrific videos of cops making mistakes. We’ve seen them because the media and a variety of outreach groups will make sure that we do, along with every other member of society. The frustrating part is that for every one video of a cop making a mistake, there are thousands of videos of cops doing it right. But as cops, we get to be put on trial in the court of public opinion, and that court does not believe in due process.

On the topic of actions, or non-actions, they can, and will, absolutely dictate the outcome of any type of future legal proceeding, both criminal and civil. A lot of assumption and stock goes into the facts of the case and the evidence overall. While that may be a very large part of your case, it’s not the only thing that gets presented to a jury of your peers. Going back to the concept of the human element, and that element is definitely a two-way street when it comes to jury trial, it’s important to understand that we are the ones who initially get to set the tone, tempo, and the overall response to the scenario at hand. “Control” is a word that is not used enough when it comes to the escalation or de-escalation of a wide range of scenarios and circumstances. As we have seen time and time again, once we lose control, we lose a lot, and the final outcome usually goes from bad, to worse, to absolutely terrible.

It’s the finite details within actions of violence that can change the perspective of the general public, specifically a juror. Sometimes it’s not only what you say or do, but it’s also how you say it, or how do it that really matters. It can be dialogue, tone, inflection, profanity, and even your own body language that will get put under a microscope for everyone not only to look at, but to study intently and develop their own opinions on- and in some cases, opinions based on things taken completely out of context. It’s important to remember that you will get seconds to make a decision, under stress, with limited options, and the defense attorneys will have days, weeks, months, or maybe even years to tear it apart piece by piece to make you look like a monster, and their client a saint.

The defense is going to do their job, and if they’re the right attorney being paid the right amount of money, they are probably going to their job well. And that job is to either disprove your evidence, discredit your integrity, or dismiss your behavior as unethical, immoral, or both. Sometimes they pick one to focus on but it’s usually a combination of all three coupled with whatever else they can do to instill doubt- and “doubt” is a very powerful word in the realm of court proceedings and the ultimate decision of the jury.

Doubt can be created through a variety of ways but one of the most common ways is through the human connection, or lack thereof. You can throw the kitchen sink at the jury when it comes to evidence, but it still won’t change that fact that you sounded like an asshole on video, and in some scenarios your words and attitude appeared to have escalated the scenario itself into what ultimately became a scenario that could have been avoided. Some cops will make the argument that their words or actions on camera or audio recording won’t change anything- I promise you; those same cops will be the ones crying in court begging God himself for a time machine once the rubber meets the road. Read the jury instructions on some of the most common charges for cops and you’ll see it’s not rocket science to put the pieces together, and we’ve been watching a lot of cops get prosecuted post 2020. What’s important to remember in that regard is that the jury instructions haven’t changed- society has. The human element has never been more powerful for this generation of law enforcement than it is today.

In this world of chaos and violence that we navigate daily, we need to create a baseline that keeps us safe, that keeps society safe, and that operates within the letter of the law and agency policy. The majority of society unfortunately will never understand that violence is a very effective form of de-escalation, and when implemented properly, it will in fact save lives. The problem, however, is that society and the mainstream media have a very different expectation when said violence does, or does not, get to be used. Suddenly they are subject matter experts in a variety of fields and believe me they will let the entire world know exactly what you did wrong, and never what you did right.

As much as we don’t care or put much stock into what people like that may think, it does matter for us in the long run, especially if that long run ends up coming after your retirement, or even your freedom. As cops, we must understand that any scenario we enter regardless of origin or even the actions of the bad guy, will already be at a disadvantage even before we arrive because of what happened in the year 2020. The groundwork was laid during that time and now we are simply walking on it. It’s important to walk with a purpose, do your job, but understand that every single thing we do or say, or don’t do or say, will be recorded in HD 4K with THX quality surround sound, and it will already be circulating on social media before you’re back at the office for your interview.

We are going to lose no matter what. That’s not being pessimistic, it’s reality. We never win, and even if we do, we still pay people lots of money at the end of the day- even when it was completely justified, they still win. In a game where you’re going to lose no matter what, it would be wise to give yourself enough balance and stability to become an afterthought of a critical incident rather than case law, or a booking sheet.
 
 

As of late I find myself being more active on the podcast than anything else, but there is a big part of me that still enjoys writing. I feel as though words on paper can deliver a different message and also leave much of it to interpretation for the reader. A few years ago, when I started all of this, I had no idea that writing would be the foundation that everything else would later be built on. Initially I had no intentions of following through with everything I have in front of me now, nor did I ever expect it to go anywhere. I was simply trying to navigate something to get somewhere. To this day I couldn't tell you what it was, or where I was trying to go. I just knew that if I didn’t do something, nothing would ever change.

When I started to dig a little bit deeper, I noticed that when I was writing, it was with an effort to pull certain things out of my head that I wasn't able to articulate verbally. At the time, I found it very challenging to talk about certain topics due to their nature or how they would make me feel. It should be noted however that in times past I was never one to shy away from, or even remotely think of an alternative option, when it came to dealing with certain things in my life that were particularly painful or horrible. If anything, I had enough experience under my belt both physically and mentally that I could probably tackle any sort of mental anguish or challenge that came my way. And I did.

However, perhaps that was the problem. Did I reach my limit and not understand? Was I completely unaware that there was some type of cap or max capacity inside my skull that I was not aware of? For the first time in my life, I think my brain finally told me that we could not move forward until we did some house cleaning- some very deep, very thorough, house cleaning. I understood and respected this outcome and I agreed that there was work to be done, but I had no idea what the work would actually entail. Another character trait of mine is being overly optimistic- sometimes to the point of completely ignoring something very serious or threatening. Optimism is a great character trait for anyone to possess, but optimism is a brother to pessimism, and they are both sons of reality, and reality doesn’t care how optimistic you are.

Reality will provide us with an abundance of clarity which is important for us to see from time to time. But reality can also be redundant and excessive, especially in career fields that demand that a certain part of your brain remain different than anyone else’s. A state of mind and physical being that runs on higher revolutions per minute than others. It's not to say we're superheroes or anything like that, we've just been told for so many years that something bad will happen to us, so we simply live in that mental mindset day in and day out. And that's just a small percentage of how we start to burn the candle from both ends. How we start to demand too much from the brain, and then our bodies, and far too frequently. As time goes on so does the stress and everything else that comes with it. And before we know it, our brains reach maximum capacity- but how they tell us will be a different experience, and will be vastly different person to person.

Before we get to maximum capacity, it's important to understand that the brain will send us messages. Warning signs. Simple reminders that we need to pay attention to. These reminders can be simple things like physical reactions such as facial twitching, especially the eyes. Or something a lot more serious like high blood pressure. Although very different, both of these things may or may not present themselves physically, or at all. In fact, short of the physical feeling of being stressed, you may not get the luxury of a forewarning before something big happens. A “precursor to the incident” if you will.

The important thing for all of us to understand is that we are all individual humans with individual mental and physical characteristics. There is no one person cover-all who is going to share the same experience in identical fashion with someone else. The overall outcomes and the experiences may be linear, but everyone is going to have their own unique experience when it comes to our brain and what it will do to our body- and that is where we will find the challenges. The important thing to remember is that we do have the opportunity in the present to dictate how we will feel in the future. The frustrating part is that you aren’t going to be able to see what you prevented. We can’t collect statistical data on things that never happened to us. But if and when you get to experience the bad, the horrible and horrific, the sadistic and total capacity of what your brain is truly capable of, it will be enough to make work as hard as possible, so it never happens to you again.
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Take care of yourself now, today. Take care of your needs both mentally and physically. Understand that if we ignore what the mind wants we will pay for it in a currency that cannot be paid for, but rather collected in the form of life and time.